Wednesday, October 31, 2012

{THE results} Cancer & my pink bow


I am taking this moment, today, the last day of breast awareness month, to wrap up my series from a couple weeks ago on BREAST CANCER AWARENESS! 
Does this mean I am abandoning the topic? Definitely NOT! I have been, continue to be & will ALWAYS be an advocate for breast cancer awareness but wanted to follow up on MY story.
If you happen to miss my previous post explaining WHY I am posting about MY results, you can catch up quick by checking out this post.

I apologize for NOT posting sooner as I know a few of you had emailed me because you remembered that I was meeting with a surgeon last Wednesday & were anxious to hear what they said. I have no excuse as to why I didn't update sooner other than . . . . it took a while to actually "sink in" & to wrap my head around the whole experience & just take a minute & spend it in "the moment". I NEEDed that. I did that. But now I am ready to move forward.

So does my story have a happy ending? Do I get to wrap it up with a nice pink bow??

The whole week waiting to meet with the surgeon was BRUTAL . . . .not gonna lie! I tried to keep busy with work & was so grateful for being soooo soooo busy as it kept my mind off the looming date fast approaching. 
I think I did pretty good, for the most part. Didn't lose it too much during that time, cried a few times when I would think about it but I had some wonderful support.

It's AMAZING when you put yourself "out there" & share a story of what you are going through, the amount of people that will offer their support. People that are not afraid to  . . . share "their" story, lend an ear, a shoulder to cry on . . . .some of the people I haven't heard from in years but they were there for me. Other people - my fans here through my blog, took the time to email me & offer support, some left blog comments (I LOVE those & THANK YOU so much for that!!!!!) and others simply prayed for me. ALL OF IT and I mean ALL OF IT!!!! . . . .was so much appreciated and meant the world to me - you have no idea how special those little gestures were!!! They were HUGE to me! xoxo

I was feeling blessed. I was feeling LOVED from all of you & my family & friends. I was starting to be optimistic more & more. Then, the night before, I had to fill out a "book" of paperwork from the surgeon's office with all the medical history on both sides of my family. After several phone calls to some family to fill in the gaps, I found out my great aunt had breast cancer. OH CRAP! All of this time, I thought NO ONE in my family had. So I must admit - started to freak just a little. Then I don't know about you all, but one of my 'guilty pleasures' is watching a show on Tuesday evenings called Parenthood - you may have heard of it? If you watch it, then you can guess where I am going with this . . . .the storyline has one of my FAV characters finding a lump, going to the doctor, etc. and LAST Tuesday - the night BEFORE I have to go - she finds out her results & HAS to have surgery!!!!!!! I CRIED LIKE A BABY! I couldn't believe it & was PRAYING my story would be so different the next day! 
And it was! ;) 

My mom came with me to the surgeon's. We met with him. He did an exam. He looked at my results from my mammogram & ultrasound. He DID confirm that I have a lump that is 3 cm & there IS a mass around it BUT he did CONFIRM that it is NOT cancer!!! I will repeat that - I DO NOT HAVE CANCER!!!!!!

Of course I asked him all the questions that you are thinking right now: "well are YOU sure?", "what IF you are wrong?", "then what the heck is it?", etc.

He said based on all the facts, the info, the conversation we had, etc, it does NOT have any characteristics of cancer. He also said IF I would like some more 'piece of mind' he could biopsy it or he could cut my breast open & remove the whole thing. Honestly, I personally would PREFER to get it out of me for MY 'piece of mind' but not really up for getting cut on right at the moment - ya know what I mean?

So I am going to get another ultrasound/ mammogram every 6 months for awhile - just to be sure it is NOT growing but he said since this was my FIRST mammogram, they need a 'starting point' to compare this lump with & coming in every 6 months will give us that.

What he did tell me was that I have a fibroid condition going on . . . .which did NOT surprise me that it was that because I have dealt with fibroid tumors in some capacity my whole life. But that is as far as I go with that because that is TMI for you! ;) For those that are not familiar with fibroid tumors, they are pretty common for the most part & are not dangerous nor do they need removed if they are not 'bothering you' so I think I will take my chances with this one & just keep an eye on it. If for some reason it starts 'buggin me' - then it will be removed . . .outta here! But until then, I have told it as long as we have no 'issues', it could stay.

Later that afternoon, I finally updated everyone on Facebook about my results. I found it "odd" as I struggled with 'what to say exactly'. It was so bizarre the feelings I had trying to say the right thing. After re-writing it about 50 times, I settled on something like "I do NOT have CANCER. I repeat I do NOT HAVE CANCER!" and then a little something after that. So what was going on in my head? As soon as I hit "post" & sat there & watched as people wrote comments, liked the post, etc.  something happened that I could not wrap my head around for awhile. I sat there at my desk for TWO HOURS & just balled my eyes out!  

I cried because all of the feelings and emotions of the last few weeks came rushing out all at once. I cried at the realization of the severity of the situation and realizing my outcome could have been sooooo different. I cried because I felt GUILTY because I was lucky to get GOOD NEWS & most women don't. I cried because of all the people who took the time to support me through this process. I cried because I was happy. I cried because God had me in His arms the WHOLE TIME & it is such an amazing feeling when you step back & realize that! I cried because I was alive!

I don't know if I will ever know why I went through all of this. Like I mentioned in my last post, maybe it is NOT about me. Maybe it was to share & save just ONE person. I surely hope if nothing else, my experience has made you aware & to NEVER ignore anything that is just not right with you or your body. Listen to it. Get it checked if you need to. Take care of it.

What I will take away from this whole experience is this. Be kind. Be supportive of other women. We ALL go through some CRAP every single day. Some people get a bigger dish of crap some days but the bottom line is be compassionate. Be there for someone else. Be NICE. A simple comment, a text, an email can mean SO MUCH to someone else - knowing that YOU are reaching out to them. I know it did to me. THANK YOU again for all of it. 
The other thing I will take away from this is . . . .right here, right now, I promise MYSELF that I will NOT put myself LAST anymore! I WILL take better care of myself because I can NOT be any good to anyone in my family if I am not around. Hopefully we, as women, can ALL start thinking of ourselves a little more & taking better care of ourselves without feeling GUILTY about it!!! We deserve that! We NEED that.  

I THANK GOD that today, on this last day of October, that I am sitting here writing and sharing with you. I THANK Him that I am alive! That I am writing the end of THIS story.  And that it is sporting that little pink bow now! :)


  1. Joining you in thanking God that you are cancer-free! I was totally unaware of what you were going through since I was on work leave for the entire October (to help care for my parents who both got seriously ill...they are better now). Thank you for your courage, honesty, and your compassion for all other women -- both with cancer and without, who really do deserve to TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES! So you take care now!

    1. thanks so much for such a sweet comment - I really DO appreciate ALL of your comments & support all the time! So glad to hear your parents are better. =) Thanks for always being so supportive of me & my business - it is people like YOU that make a difference in my day! =)


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