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Monday, January 7, 2013

{HOPE} holding on & waiting

hellooooooo . . . . just checking in for a minute to let you know how I'm doing. It's been a little over a week since my surgery. If you missed what is going on, here is the post explaining what I went through. I am so thankful to be here chatting with you right now. I am VERY thankful I am here. It's funny when you are faced with a major surgery how your mind goes to "that place" you know the one that tells you that you may NOT make it back. Stranger things have happened  & you never know. But as much as I "may" have thought that or it crept into my mind, I knew it was just ridiculous. Psssst . . . total whatevs! I had HOPE. I held on to my HOPE. And HOPE is getting me through.




So like I said surgery went as well as to be expected. They did have to take it all. My days of wishing for another child are over. As much as I would have given anything to have a second, I have ONE and she will be enough for me. Some days this is easier to swallow than others but it's the way it is now. Something about "life" making the decisions for you that just sucks. Just SUCKS - ya know? {sigh} The issues I had going on warranted the outcome of this surgery, so I am focusing on the fact that I am HERE and that is enough for me & I am grateful for another day or two or two thousand or two bazillion . . .

This whole thing is so surreal though . . . .they sent everything they removed to the Pathologist & I won't know any results until next Monday - ONE WEEK from today - in ONE WEEK - is when I find out if I am a cancer patient. A.Cancer.Patient. Or maybe I will have HAD cancer & they got it all. If that IS the case . . . Does that still make me a 'cancer person' if it's gone? Do I still have that 'label'? Such weird questions rolling through my mind. So crazy to even fathom all of this -really is . . .

I went to my moms to recover for the first week & it was great to be at my momma's & have her care for me. Nothing beats momma's lovin when you are not feeling good. =) I just vegged out, tried to relax, control my pain & get as much sleep as I could . . . all while watching an INSANE amount of HGTV - love love love everything on that channel. Trying to have patience while recovering is going to be a challenge . . .I can tell already. I am used to doing a bazillion things at once & then some.

It's been hard dealing . . . I had some issues this past week - coming out of surgery puking my guts out, then . . . itching like a mad-woman because something obviously from surgery - I was allergic to . . . it was not fun.
Then once at my moms, I was waking up every hour all through the night - sleep schedule was all out of whack. . . an annoying cough that hit about day #4 & felt like I was being stabbed with a knife every time I needed to cough. I thought 'seriously - am I NOT in enough pain already?. I am still dealing with the cough but at least it's NOT as frequent. 
Then on top of all of this, I am trying to deal with these emotions I have - some of which make me very sad. Crazy emotions that I PRAY will eventually level out with the hormone meds or I may be wearing a white straight jacket soon (lol)

Journaling helps. My HOPE journal from my dear friend Melissa N. is helping me through this as my thoughts need to be directed somewhere & writing them down always helps. It will also be uplifting to look back at this one day soon & see how God had His hand in all of this the whole time. =)


I know He is getting me through this. I know it will get easier. I know I will be fine. I know He is giving me the strength I need to get better and I know He is where my HOPE comes from.

HOPE: Hold On & Pray Everyday.




btw - if anyone sees anything out there with the word 'HOPE' on it, let me know as I'm kinda LOVING this word on anything right now! =)

I appreciate all the prayers, emails, etc. from all of you. It means soo sooo much to me & you will never know how much they have meant to me, so THANK YOU! xoxo

I promise little by little I will be "coming back" this week & next & just taking it slow to start bringing you more inspiration, designs & more FUN for the new year. Thanks for being patient & hanging in there with me as I have some BIG things planned for this year & I know you will LOVE it!  xoxo

24 comments:

  1. I am glad to hear you are feeling well enough to write a post. I will pray that you will continue to heal, emotionally and physically, quickly.

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    1. thank you so much Trina for the prayers & well wishes. I appreciate you taking the time - it means so much! =)

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  2. Hang in there Laura...So sorry to hear about all that you are going through. I had a scare of my own last month...Waiting was the hardest part. Hope is a great word. Be sure to have faith (another good word) in your body to heal itself!!! Sending warm, healing, positive thoughts your way....

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    1. thanks chrissie - I "HOPE" your situation worked out & I appreciate you taking the time to comment & share with me. I do have FAITH to go along with my HOPE & am so grateful it's working out. Now just trying to get through the healing part - so hard to "take it easy" - lol

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    1. you are so sweet!!!! thanks so much for your friendship & prayers - it ALWAYS means so much to hear from you! xoxo

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  4. Thinking of you, Laura and saying a prayer for you! I look forward to seeing you back soon! Take great care of yourself and rest! xo

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    1. thank you so much sweet girl! I so appreciate the love! xoxo

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  5. Thinking of you and praying for healing and good news!

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    1. thank you so much for the comment & taking the time! That was so sweet of you & yes good news in case you missed it! ;)

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  6. You are in my prayers...sending good, healing thoughts your way!

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    1. thanks for the prayers & the comment! I appreciate it so much! =)

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  7. I continue to keep you in my prayers! You're right, it will get better and it will get easier. Last year I faught my battle with melanoma the deadliest of skin cancer. I'm happy to say I'm cancer free and only left with scars. I totally understand the rush f emotions! Prayer and hope got me through and it will you as well.

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    1. thanks so much for this Melissa! =) I appreciate you taking the time to remind me of your battle & how important it is for all of us to share. I can only hope that it helps people in ways we'll never know. So thankful that YOU are cancer free, so glad I am without cancer & hope it stays that way for us both forever! =) The emotions are insane but we do our best! xoxo

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  8. Sending you hugs and lots of love. Hold on to hope and the grace of God.

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    1. thanks so much Sandra! I am holding my HOPE still as I recover! =)

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    1. thanks so much for the well wishes - still have 2 weeks to go but slowly getting back to work! ;)

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  10. sending you my best wishes for a fast and easy recovery <3 big hugs!

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    1. thank YOU so much! Have 2 weeks still to take it easy but I am trying to hang in there & not do too much! ;)

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  11. Prayers and hugs to you Laura! You are already so strong form all this. Keep the faith and we will keep praying :) Wishing you a speedy recovery! {hugs}

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    1. thanks so much for your message Valerie - you are so sweet & I appreciate it! ;)

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  12. Thinking of you, Laura and saying a prayer for your quick recovery!

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